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Sexual Frustration & Depression – Exploring Sex & Mental Health

July 26, 2021

People don’t talk about this a lot, but we want to ask – can sexual frustration lead to depression? Our friends at e-counseling.com explore the relationship between sex and mental health. We think you will find this article enlightening.

Whether you’re single, in a relationship, married, divorced, or widowed, sex is a vital aspect of life.

Any problem that occurs in this area is bound to cause disappointment and frustration.

Although the frustration that results from a lack of sexual activity can lead to depression-like symptoms, the link between sexual frustration and depression is a bit more complicated than that.

Sometimes, it is the depression that causes sexual dysfunction.

In short, it (the complex sex and mental health) relationship works both ways.

can sexual frustration lead to depression

What is Sexual Frustration?

In essence, frustration is an emotional state that you experience when a particular need is not met.

Regardless of the nature of your frustration, the effects are relatively the same.

At first, you get cranky, moody, and irritable; you lose your focus quickly, and you don’t sleep well.

If you’re deprived for an extended period, you begin to feel disappointed and eventually stop trying.

The moment you give up on trying to get your needs met is the moment when depression might set in.

Sexual frustration begins with dissatisfaction related to your intimate life.

Whether it’s because your sexual interactions consist of one disappointing attempt after another or you’re missing physical intimacy altogether, prolonged sexual dissatisfaction will result in frustration.

Some examples are:

  • you’re “in the mood,” and your partner does not want to have sex;
  • when you’re having sex and one of you isn’t satisfied or doesn’t achieve orgasm;
  • when one of you finishes too fast;
  • or when your partner isn’t open to experiencing fantasies that would lead you to sexual fulfilment.

If left unaddressed, these situations can exacerbate your sexual problems, leading to frustration, disappointment, and eventually depression.

Relationships and Sexual Frustration

One of the most common misconceptions about this topic is that sexual frustration occurs mainly among single individuals.

In theory, people in relationships shouldn’t lack intimacy and physical contact. However, in reality, couples can struggle with sexual frustration just as much and as often as single people.

There are times when one partner might be struggling with decreased libido, giving rise to disappointment by their partner about their sex life.

Low libido can be due to various physical and psychological factors.

Or maybe one partner has a higher sex drive than the other.

The point is if the couple fails to communicate properly and work through these issues, their sex life will gradually deteriorate, leading to frustration.

We all know the myth that men think about (and desire) sex more than women.

But the truth is, some men are not that interested in sex, while some women have a very high libido.

Long story short, a mismatch between partners’ libido or sexual preferences can eventually result in sexual frustration.

In turn, sexual frustration can generate shame, guilt, criticism, and depression if left unaddressed.

Why Do You Feel Sexually Frustrated?

The simplest answer would be that we don’t have sex because the sexual encounters we have are mostly dull and unsatisfying.

But if we look beyond the obvious, there are more complex factors at play. between sex and mental health. 

Physical and/or Medical Problems

Current evidence suggests that sexual satisfaction and sexual health have a significant impact on the quality of our life. Moreover, individuals with poor health (due to various medical conditions) report lower sexual satisfaction.[1]

Dealing with a medical condition is already a stress factor.

With the added frustration caused by sexual problems, it’s no wonder people in this situation might feel depressed.

Some of the most common medical conditions that can cause sexual problems (and consequently sexual frustration) are:

  • diabetes,
  • obesity,
  • heart disease,
  • high cholesterol,
  • atherosclerosis,
  • and high blood pressure.

Criticism

In general, our sexual experiences rarely unfold precisely the way we imagine.

Sex can be tricky sometimes, so it’s relatively normal for people to encounter all sorts of difficulties or “hiccups.” at one stage or another.

Sometimes, the origin of your sexual frustration may reside in your partner’s rigid or “impossible” standards and lack of understanding.

But whether these difficulties generate sexual frustration or not depends greatly on how you interpret them and how the other person reacts.

For instance, receiving constant criticism regarding your sexual performance can result in frustration, helplessness, disappointment, and self-blame.

Consequently, this will only make matters worse as you begin to view the entire experience as a performance display.

All these emotions and attitudes can create a fertile ground for depression.

can sexual frustration lead to depression

Over the last decades, researchers have published an impressive amount of scientific literature that addresses the link between sex and depression.

However, many studies (only) focus on how antidepressants impact sex life.

One conclusion from these studies is that mental health professionals need to be more aware of the sexual problems that may accompany depression.

They also recommend a focus on counselling or psychoeducation to help patients overcome misconceptions about their bodies.

As for sexual problems caused by antidepressants, experts often rely on additional or alternative treatments for unpleasant side effects.

Doing so can result in a better sex and mental health experience.

Can Sexual Frustration Lead To Depression?

Given the complicated nature of the link between sex and depression, it’s difficult to be certain regarding the relationship between them.

It’s possible for people who experience sexual frustration for extended periods to end up dealing with depression, but only if other factors are also involved.

On the other hand, given that sexual dysfunction is a common symptom associated with depression, we could speculate that depression will indirectly contribute to sexual frustration.

can sexual frustration lead to depression

Tips for Coping with Sexual Frustration

Be Realistic when it Comes to Sex

Although sex is no longer taboo in most cultures, sex-related problems continue to remain among those topics that people prefer to ignore.

We enjoy talking about the fun aspects of sex, but we put a lid on anything that might expose the sexual problems some of us might struggle with.

On top of that, we grow up surrounded by all sorts of misconceptions about intimacy and sex, so it’s no surprise we feel disappointed and frustrated when reality shows us a completely different picture.

As with any other problem, a crucial step in overcoming this issue is getting educated.

Whether you prefer to read a book, follow an educational YouTube channel, or talk to a sex therapist, make sure you gain a realistic perspective on sex and intimacy. 

Good Sex Starts with Good Communication

As we’ve established throughout this article, sexual frustration occurs when one partner’s needs are not met.

If you’re in a relationship, the first thing you can do is discuss this issue with your partner.

That way, both of you have a chance to understand what exactly isn’t working, recalibrate your perspective, and work together toward finding a solution.

Furthermore, current research studies suggest that for couples who’ve been together longer, open sexual communication can improve sexual satisfaction.[5]

Don’t Be Ashamed To Consult a Professional

If you feel like sexual frustration has become a serious problem, and there’s no one you feel comfortable talking to, why not consult with a therapist?

With the help of a licensed counsellor or therapist, you can get to the root of a sex and mental health problem and figure out ways to achieve healthy intimacy and sexual satisfaction.

Summary

In a nutshell, sexual frustration occurs when there’s a mismatch between what you want and what you’re getting.

But this problem doesn’t necessarily lead to depression unless it’s accompanied by other factors (lack of intimacy, poor communication, unrealistic standards).

At the same time, it’s important to remember that depression often causes decreased libido and sexual problems.

Did you learn something new from this article? Tell us in the comments section.

You can schedule a one to one chat with us if you would like to discuss how you may be affected by this topic.

This article was first published here.

More Reading:

References:

Editing by AskAwayHealth Team

Disclaimer

All AskAwayHealth articles are written by practising  Medical Practitioners on a wide range of healthcare conditions to provide evidence-based guidance and to help promote quality healthcare. The advice in our material is not meant to replace the management of your specific condition by a qualified healthcare practitioner.
To discuss your condition, please contact a health practitioner or reach us directly

Our post contains affiliate links at no cost to you. You are in no way obligated to use these links. Thank you for being so supportive!

Image Credits: Canva

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