Dr Sylvia Kama-Kieghe, FRCGP — NHS GP & Women’s Health Doctor

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When friends move through milestones such as marriage, pregnancy announcements, and baby showers, it can be difficult to feel as though you are the only one still waiting.

Everyone’s fertility journey is different, but having a clear roadmap can help you navigate the emotional, practical, and medical challenges one step at a time. 

Acknowledge the emotional impact

Month after month, you may experience hope that this will be the month you conceive, followed by disappointment when pregnancy does not happen. This can bring feelings of grief, sadness, frustration, or even anger.

Acknowledge what you are going through as a couple rather than bottling up your feelings. 

You may need to set boundaries to protect your mental health, such as: 

• Muting social media accounts that share newborn updates.
• Archiving chats that feel difficult to engage with.
• Skipping baby showers when attending feels overwhelming.
• Spending more time with supportive friends and family.

This does not mean others wish you harm. They may simply not understand what you are experiencing or be sensitive to your feelings. 

Find support from people who understand

Consider joining a dedicated fertility support group, either in person or online. Connecting with people who have experienced similar challenges, or with those trained in counselling people through fertility difficulties, can help you feel less isolated.

Having your experience understood and validated can make it easier to take the next step and face the months ahead.

Understand that infertility involves both partners

Infertility is not just a female problem. Both partners should be considered from the beginning.

The causes can be divided into roughly three equal parts:

• One-third are female-related issues.
• One-third are male-related issues.
• One-third involve both partners or causes that cannot be explained.

Understanding this can help couples approach fertility investigations together rather than placing the responsibility on one person.

Get organised and know when to seek help

There can be a lot of information, test results, and appointments to manage. Keep your results and appointment details filed in one place so you can easily find them when needed.

It is also important to know when to speak to your doctor about fertility concerns.

• If either partner is over 35: Speak to your doctor if pregnancy has not occurred after six months of having unprotected intercourse three times a week.

• If you are under 35: If pregnancy has not occurred after 12 months of having unprotected intercourse three times a week, speak to your doctor about investigating possible infertility.

• If you have fibroids or endometriosis: Do not wait for these timeframes. Discuss your fertility as part of managing your condition, as these conditions can affect fertility.

Key takeaway

Trying to conceive can take an emotional toll, especially when you are also managing family expectations, cultural expectations, and the milestones of friends around you.

Start by acknowledging your feelings as a couple, protecting your peace, and finding supportive people. Keep your medical information organised, consider both partners in fertility investigations, and do not delay speaking to your doctor when it is time to seek help.

⚠️ Important Disclaimer — If you are struggling to conceive, have concerns about your fertility, or if anything concerns you, speak to your doctor. This information is for educational purposes only and should not replace an assessment by a healthcare professional. 

More Reading

• Four Effective Ways To Improve Your Fertility if You Have PCOS
• The Silent Struggle: Male Infertility Problems Explained
• Exploring the Link Between Ovulation Pain and Infertility
• AskAwayHealth’s Top 10 Tips for a Healthy SEX life.
• Causes of Male Infertility – AskAwayHealth